Math Joke of the week

week of May 12————————————————-

Teacher:  Does anyone know the weather prediction for tomorrow?

Student:  It will rain nickels and dimes.

Teacher:  Now why would you say that?

Student:  I heard on the radio that there would be change in the weather.

Week of May 5—————————————————

Student One:  Did you hear the joke about the statistician? 

Student Two:  Probably.

Week of April 28————————————————–

The actor wondered and wondered why he had messed up the last sentence in the play.  Finally he went into a rage about it.  It’s only natural that someone who reflects that much will eventually flip over a line.

Week of April 21—————————————————

The crew asked the bilingual pilot to slide a square along the x-axis because he knew how to translate on a plane.

Week of April 14, 2008———————————————–

Student:  I love doing gazintas.  They’re my favorite!

Math Teacher:  I don’t understand.  What do you mean by gazintas?

Student:  You know.   Like, three gazinta 12 four times; two gazinta 18 nine times…    

Week of April 7, 2008————————————————-

The student was so unfamiliar with football that he thought a quarterback was a 25-cent refund.

Week of March 31, 2008———————————————– 

 What do you call people who are in favor of tractors? 

Protractors!

Week of March 17, 2008————————————————

 A class in Texas and a Class in California did the same science fair experiment.

Their results were so similar that the judges knew the sides must have been corresponding.

Week of March 10, 2008————————————————-

Teacher:  “Pi r squared . .”

Student:  “No, pie are round.” 

Week of March 3, 2008————————————————— 

 As a student was blowing up a balloon, he noticed that as it got more perimeter it also got airier.

Week of February 25, 2008—————————————————-

A flight attendant decorated a jet with colored cords from graduation caps.  He wanted to tassel-late a plane. 

Week of February 18, 2008————————————————

The scalene triangle confused everyone on the baseball field.  When it stood on a different base, it had a different height. 

Week of February 11, 2008————————————————

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but

          *Two rights make a straight angle,

          *Two writes make a second draft,

          *Two rites make a double ceremony, and

          *Two Wright’s make an airplane. 

Week of February 4, 2008————————————————–

What did the circle say to the line?  I’ll be around if you need me. 

Week of January 28, 2008————————————————– 

Two crooked tailors made pleats in a skirt to sew in some stolen money.  One made four pleats, and the other made only one.  Both were arrested, but the second tailor went free because in court he pleated the fifth.

Week of December 10, 2007————————————————

The fraction one-fifth went to the doctor because it wasn’t feeling very well.  The doctor said, “You need to calm down.  You’re too tense (two-tenths).” 

Week of December 3, 2007————————————————– 

An equation with decimals is like a contest between teams of campers.  Both sides have tents. 

Week of November 26, 2007————————————————-

Week of November 19, 2007—————————————————

The car owner wanted to know about how much it would cost to repair his headlights and bumper.  I guess he was asking for a front-end estimate. 

Week of November 13, 2007—————————————————-

Did you hear about the decimal that found studying very difficult?  It never seemed to get the point. 

Week of November 5, 2007—————————————————— 

 In the math Olympics, the contestant from Havana calculated the largest result.  Everyone else was squarin’ while he was Cuban.

Week of October 29, 2007——————————————————–

What do “x = 4″ and salt water have in common? 

Both can be called solutions. 

Week of October 22, 2007———————————————————

A typical polite learning experience in Mr. Bertrand’s math class

                 Teacher:  What is 7Q plus 3Q?

                 Student:  10Q

                 Teacher:  Your welcome! 

Week of October 15, 2007———————————————————-

Math Humor: 

I can do mental math with fractions and decimals, but I have trouble computing with wholes in my head. 

Week of October 09, 2007———————————————————-

If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? 

One dollar.

 You don’t know your arithmetic.

No!  You don’t know my father!

Week of October 01, 2007  ———————————————————-

Student 1:   I failed every subject except for algebra.

Student 2:   How did you keep from failing that?

Student 1:   I didn’t take algebra! 

Week of September 24, 2007 ——————————————————-

Son:  “Dad, can you please help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem?”

Dad:  “Don’t tell me that they haven’t found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy!”  

Week of September 17, 2007 ——————————————————-

If its zero degrees today, and it’s suppose to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?